Train Your State, Don’t Manage It: A Powerful Approach for CEOs and Executives
As a CEO or executive, you’ve likely faced moments when your emotional state shifts unexpectedly—when something happens that throws you off your game and derails your momentum. You might find yourself stuck in feelings you don’t want to experience, and suddenly your day is disrupted. It’s a common challenge, and one I get asked about frequently: How do I manage my state through tough times or when unexpected situations arise?
Today, I want to share with you a perspective that’s not only powerful but transformative. It’s a concept that has helped me and countless leaders navigate the ups and downs of professional and personal life with more resilience and grace. The key is this: you don’t manage your state—you train it.
Why Managing Your State Is a Losing Battle
Most people think managing their state means controlling their emotions and reactions moment to moment. But here’s the hard truth: you can’t manage something you haven’t trained. It’s like trying to steer a ship without having learned how to sail. This is one of the greatest tragedies of our Western education system. We train people to be productive workers—focused on doing—but not how to be fully functioning human beings with emotional intelligence and resilience.
Contrast this with some Eastern traditions, such as Tibetan monastic teachings, where children are educated on how to be human: how to cultivate self-compassion, emotional regulation, and presence. The Western world prioritizes action and output, whereas the Eastern world prioritizes being and internal mastery. This difference profoundly impacts how we handle our state.
What Is State, Really?
Your state is simply how you show up in each moment. It’s your emotional, mental, and physical condition—the lens through which you experience life and make decisions. Importantly, your state is a choice, but it’s not a choice you can just flip on and off at will without preparation.
Think about it this way: your state has a baseline. This baseline is the default way your brain and body operate when not consciously influenced. Neuroscience teaches us that contrary to old beliefs, our behavior is not primarily driven by external events but by the baseline state of our brain. The environment acts as a trigger, but the response is generated by your internal wiring.
For example, imagine you’re walking down the street and someone bumps into you. You have multiple ways to respond: you could glare, say something, or just keep walking. The choice you make depends less on the bump itself and more on your baseline state—how your brain is already wired to react.
This understanding flips conventional thinking on its head. Instead of blaming the environment for our reactions, we realize that our internal baseline state determines how we respond. If your baseline is trained to be calm and resilient, you’ll likely brush off the bump. If it’s trained to be reactive or anxious, you might respond negatively.
The Importance of Training Your State
Since your baseline state governs your reactions, the real work is in training your state to be optimal and empowering. This is a skill that requires deliberate practice, much like physical fitness or learning a new language. Without training, your brain defaults to whatever state it’s most familiar with—which, for most people, is far from ideal.
Elite athletes, martial artists, and special forces personnel often receive training to manage their state under pressure. This isn’t accidental; it’s a critical factor in their success. But for most professionals, this kind of training is missing. That’s why many leaders struggle to maintain composure and clarity when faced with stress or adversity. This is why we developed our "Unlocking Performance" program for business leaders.
How to Train Your State: A Step-by-Step Approach
So, how do you begin training your state? It starts with shifting your mindset from “managing” to “learning.” Managing your state can feel like bottling up emotions, which leads to frustration and burnout. Learning, on the other hand, is about understanding your triggers, rewiring your responses, and gradually shifting your nervous system.
1. Understand Your Triggers
Begin by asking yourself three crucial questions when you notice your state shifting:
1. Why is this triggering me? Identify the specific element of the situation that’s causing your reaction.
2. What inside me is causing me to feel this way? Recognize that something internal—your beliefs, past experiences, or fears—is driving your reaction.
3. Where did this come from? Trace the origin of this reaction. Often, it’s a replay of a similar event from your past, even if the current situation is different.
By exploring these questions, you uncover the root causes of your emotional reactions and gain the awareness needed to change your baseline state.
2. Direct Your Focus
Focus is a powerful lever in state training. When you find yourself in a suboptimal state, deliberately shift your attention. Here are three ways to do that:
· Focus on your goals and objectives. Redirect your mind from the triggering event to what you want to achieve.
· Distract yourself. Engage in activities that take your mind off the trigger, reducing rumination.
· Fill your time productively. Avoid getting stuck in negative thought loops by staying busy with meaningful tasks.
Ruminating over negative events tends to activate the brain’s default mode network, which often leans towards pessimism and disempowerment. By consciously controlling your focus, you can break this cycle and maintain a more positive state.
3. Boost Your Energy
Energy is the fuel for your state. When your energy dips, you become vulnerable to slipping into disempowering states. To keep your state optimal, prioritize activities that increase your physical and mental energy. This could be exercise, a brisk walk, or even a quick burst of deep breathing.
Pay attention to what energizes you personally and make it a regular part of your routine. High energy supports resilience and clarity, making it easier to stay in an empowering state.
4. Cultivate the Right Mindset
Mindset is a vast and complex area, but one simple yet profound tool you can use immediately is the contrast principle.
This principle involves comparing your current situation not to an ideal or better scenario, but to a worse one. For instance, after my dad passed away suddenly in 2018, I began using this contrast regularly. No matter what challenges I faced, I reminded myself that at least I was alive. Being alive is a baseline that makes many struggles feel more manageable.
By shifting your mindset in this way, you create perspective and gratitude, which are powerful antidotes to negative states.
5. Manage Your Physiology
Our bodies and minds are deeply interconnected. Ancient Eastern practices like yoga, tai chi, and chi gong understood this intuitively. They taught that by changing your physical state, you can influence your mental and emotional state.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or off balance, try resetting your physiology. This could mean changing your posture, taking deep breaths, doing some gentle stretching, or engaging in physical activity. The body often leads the mind—when you move your body into a more empowered state, your mind follows.
This approach can be faster and more effective than trying to shift your state solely through mental effort.
Why Training Your State Is Essential for Leaders
As leaders, the ability to maintain an empowering state regardless of external circumstances is critical. When you’re in the right state, you make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and inspire those around you.
But training your state is not a quick fix. It takes time, commitment, and self-awareness. The good news is that every moment you invest in learning about your state and practicing these techniques compounds over time. You become stronger, more resilient, and more capable of navigating the inevitable challenges of leadership.
Remember, you don’t manage your state—you train it. This subtle but profound shift in perspective can transform how you lead your life and your organization.
Summary: The Five Pillars of Training Your State
· Learn from your triggers: Ask yourself why you’re triggered, what’s inside you that causes the reaction, and where it originated.
· Control your focus: Shift attention to goals, distract yourself, or stay productively busy to avoid rumination.
· Boost your energy: Engage in activities that raise your physical and mental vitality.
· Adopt empowering mindsets: Use tools like the contrast principle to gain perspective and gratitude.
· Manage your physiology: Use your body to reset your state through movement, breathing, or posture.
Frequently Asked Questions About State Training
What exactly is meant by “state” in this context?
State refers to your overall mental, emotional, and physical condition at any given moment. It’s how you show up in life and influences your behavior and decisions.
Why can’t I just manage my state instead of training it?
Managing implies controlling something you already have. If your baseline state isn’t trained to be optimal, managing becomes frustrating and ineffective. Training builds a better baseline that management can then maintain.
How long does it take to train my state?
Training your state is a gradual process. Consistent practice over weeks and months leads to meaningful changes. It requires patience and persistence.
Can physical exercise really change my state?
Absolutely. The body and mind are interconnected. Physical activities like walking, stretching, or yoga can quickly shift your mental and emotional state by influencing your nervous system.
What is the contrast principle and how can I use it?
The contrast principle is a mindset tool where you compare your current situation to a worse one rather than a better one. This helps cultivate gratitude and perspective, which support an empowered state.
Final Thoughts
Training your state is one of the most valuable skills you can develop as a leader. It empowers you to navigate tough times with resilience, clarity, and confidence. The journey begins with shifting your perspective from managing to learning and embracing the five pillars of state training.
By investing in this practice, you not only transform your own life but also create a ripple effect that elevates your team, your organization, and those you lead. Remember, how you show up in every moment is a choice—and with the right training, you can choose to show up empowered every time.